You are gone?

When did you just turn in to a photo.. Just a photo.

I find it hard to believe you are gone.

Daily I get that realization that you are not here, and I get numb, I get goosebumps. Daily I expect the outcome would be different, I will get news that you are still here and it was all a cruel joke by some sadist sitting high up in the skies.

I always knew death is inevitable, always felt I can handle it.

But not your death. I can handle death, my death.. Yours I never thought. I did think, we all would we be there maybe ten years down the line and it would be at home and peaceful.

I spent my whole life trying to chase away your death, to the extent of becoming obsessed with it and ruining your mood during meal times, how do you expect me to accept it?

My whole existence was centered around keeping you alive. I never realized but it really was my only motto in life. Seeing you happy was my only mission. If you smiled, I could laugh.

If you had a good pain free day, I was over the moon. If you had any dream fulfilled, my whole purpose of life was served. I lived for you mummy. I never realized it, but my happiness was you and only You.

There was no one else, and there would be no one else. Yes I love everyone in my family, but my existence depended on yours. And now you expect me to move on? How?

Before going you should have taught me that also, how to survive without you.

Leave aside surviving, I cannot even accept you are gone. It comes as a surprise to me daily.

Every time I think about you, look at you, I am surprised that you are simply gone.

Why mummy, Why?

Now I am clueless, directionless and motiveless. I am lost and lost totally.