Why is it an Issue?

Why am I being asked to move on?

"Move on for your child" You are asking me to move on for the mother-child bond and asking me not to feel the loss of same bond I had with my mother? Why is it an issue I do not move on ever?

Why am I being judged, If I don't want to go out or have fun? - Why is it that I need to fit in to the frame of grief dictated by society?

Why can't I have my time or my pace?

Why is it an issue if I do not want to "get over it" ? Why is it so hard to understand, there are only one or two relationships in your life which can completely break you. Why Is it an issue If I just survive the rest of my life?

Why is it an issue if I don't feel like talking or going out or pretend to have fun?

Why is it an issue if instead of having episodes where I miss her, I miss her all the time, every waking moment of my life?

Why is it an issue, if the intensity of pain and loss is going up with time instead of going down?

Why is it an issue if I can still feel the same impact on recollecting that dreaded phone call from my sister

"shagun mummy nahin hain"

Why is it an issue if this worst sentence of my life keeps ringing in my ear 24/7 ?

Her body coming from Morgue and she lying so peacefully in that white sheet, brought like a package being delivered. Why is it an issue if I cannot get that image out of my head even for a moment? Why is it an issue if that image numbs me down even now?

Why is it an issue if while playing with my son, I am thinking about my mom and the fact that I cannot have mother-daughter time with her, kills me every second?

Why is it an issue if I don't want to eat the things she wanted to eat but could not due to her health, what she wanted to eat but I stopped her due to her health and what she wanted to eat tons, again she could not ?

Why is it an issue if I can remember each moment in the day on what she would be doing?

Why is it an issue , If I feel so angry at that world, that I cannot control it.

Why is it an issue if everyone with both parents, seem selfish to me?

Why is it an issue If I want to cut off completely from everyone who showed selfish nature during the worst time of my life.

Why is it an issue if I just want to survive and not thrive?

Why is it an issue if sole reason I am alive is my son. He lost one mother already and I cannot do that to him.?

Why is it an issue If I don't want to meet people and see places. If I can just pass a day without crying that is victory to me?

Why is it an issue if every morning I get up feeling an overwhelming sense of loss and regret?

Why is it an issue if I go to sleep every night hoping I can rewind the clock t o 2nd April and talk to her?

Why is it an issue if the feeling of loss and helplessness is so overpowering that it basically kills you?

Why is it an issue if secretly I wish everyone's parents ( >67 years) one should leave the world, so that everyone is in same boat?

Why is it that everyone I know has both parents alive? Why this injustice to me and more so to my mom, that she left so sudden and so soon?

Why is it an issue to let me be?

Why is it an issue if I never will be NORMAL again?