Where are you?

-Where are you mummy now? What are you up to?

-Do you miss the food? Do you have cravings for unfulfilled food desires?

-Do you think, if you would have known you will leave so soon, would you have been living any different? Would you have forced yourself more (you already were doing that for last 40 years, but still) or you would have given up entirely?

-How did the moment of leaving felt like? Was it really as peaceful as they say?

-Were you scared while leaving the body?

- Were you scared ever in life? On your first night? when you lost the baby? when you went for angioplasty? when you went for kidney transplant? When you started dialysis? When you transplant did not happen on date decided? When you had severe reaction to medicine and whole body swell and you lost consciousness?

- Did you ever feel angst on your family or people in your life for the choices they made for you, for not understanding you better, even us when we forced you so much for food and diet?

- Why did you bear all this? Why did you not rebel? I know you did what you thought was right and you felt was right. You had no choice?

- Did we ever ask you how did you feel? We tried understanding you but did we ever ask?

I am sorry Mummy. For the things I could not change and control and for the things I could have but didn't do (like letting go of strict diet and weight reduction)

- Did you deal with everything alone? Did you share with anyone? You told us so less, why ? were we not receptive enough?

We should not tell our kids our nightmares, we should not worry our parents of our worries , we should not tell siblings and affect their lives, do we have anyone in this world, or are we alone in the world full of relations?