Love more -Really?

When you have a kid your motherly instincts rise, and they are supposed to , as that ways you will care for the helpless infant. You love them, you are asked to love them . You make them the center of your universe. For them you are the world. That is how it is and that is how everyone will say it should be.

When my mom left this realm, I was told to think and live for my child. understandable. They wanted me to love him more, live for his happiness and show him what happiness is.

Fine, I will do that, but then Am I not setting him up for loss and heartache.

I can get close and close to him, I can be his world and he be mine, But if he asks me Mummy never leave me, will I do that for him? Will I stay here till he is ready? No I will leave as soon as my so called purpose is fulfilled. Then who in the world gave me the right to make him so dependent on me, or show him what a good person I am, that he is left crippled when I leave? Just as I am now that my mom is gone. I don't know how to continue living and for what and why? Wont he feel the same? Am I not setting him up for discontent and dissatisfaction at life? Am I not going to set his expectations high as being his go to person and then will leave him without a warning. How selfish of me.

I bring an infant in to the world and do not give him the assurance of being there for him till he needs me. No I will leave when I deem right. That is all.