Grief

It brings out another person out of you. You are totally changed. I do not think I can laugh like I used to, be happy like I used to, experience the same Joy. I do feel lot of love when I hug my son or pet my dog. But love is it, I do not feel bliss or happiness, which I used to earlier. I am no longer able to be thankful for anything. There is no point. Whatever you are thankful for will be snatched away from you. I was most thankful for my mother and someone realized it and took her away. Now I am not thankful for anything in life. No definitely not for my life.

Everyone quotes energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Body was not energy, it was matter and matter gets destroyed and it changes forms. But isn't matter also nothing but waveform energy? Then how did it get destroyed? Everyone agrees the body dies. Even with biocentrism or quantum physics, point is that this body, these relations are left right? Agreed soul leaves and moves on maybe in multiverse, maybe to eternal source. But the body is left and so are the relations. I fail to understand why no one talks about that when they say death is an illusion. Is it an illusion to the ones left behind? Ask me, it feels so real to me , I cannot see my mother, talk to her or meet her or call her. So it feel damn real to me , death in all its entirety. I agree we might be able to experience that energy, but is it the same ? No it can never be the same. Why do we never answer that when we say death is just an Illusion and there is nothing to fear. We do not fear our death, and even if someone does, its with relation to what we will leave behind, the child, the spouse or the parents. It never is the body. And those you morn are mourning the loss of someone they were living with. It is very real. Very very real.

so should I just bask in the comfort that we would meet again? Would we? And even if we would, it will not be same body right? but then this can be understood, if I meet you today in red dress and tomorrow in blue, I will be the same person and you will recognize me.

But with soul, I don't right? Or maybe my soul does and I do not as I have that memory filter added to keep that information away from this body?

It sure is interesting to talk, to discuss, I used to tell my mom, do meditation or forgive if not for this then next life. What did I know, she is the one who will never reincarnate, She is far too evolved for that. And what would I know she is giving me the gift in terms of my son.

Me and my fullness of knowing everything, being spiritually ignited and all the stuff.