Dead or Alive?

They say the experience shape you for the better or worse. They say it is you life events which make or break you. They even say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

My own, very own mother's death did not kill me. No really I am still alive, my organs are all working fine. I am still breathing, yes doing that inhale and exhale religiously.

I am eating on time, sleeping on schedule. I am what you would call a living organism.

But then.. Am I?

Am I still living? Or I am a dead person walking, literally?

What is death? In medical terms, death is when the organs of your body shuts down, and the body is no longer performing the functions it is supposed to perform.

They say being dead is body gets cold, and stiff. I am always cold, as my blanket of perpetual warmth and love is taken away from me. Am I dead?

They say dead cannot do anything, understand anything, well robot is not alive and I do my work on autopilot, does this mean I am dead?

Is there anything called Dead while living? If there is such a condition I am that.

I am just passing each day painfully, they move now slower than a snail.

Not sure why am I being forced to live, live for relations and responsibilities I have.

But living like this, when you either put your body through so much grind that you barely have time to think, or you just wish each second your heart stops or keep wishing for even a moment when it does not hurt this much, when your do not break in to a million pieces, does this have any meaning?

Does this even have any logic, or just because we do not support suicide as a society we are finding reasons to continue.

What does not kill you, kills you more . I saw my mother, after every disease she overcame, she was weaker with the struggle and not stronger. My mothers death did not kill me, but if it had killed me it was better. It made me worse than death could ever be.,